We’re Just Disappointed

United States of America was a beacon of hope to me.

As a child in a family constantly moving between continents every 3 years or so, I quickly learned languages, cultures, and skills like how to deal with my parents' colleagues, or to deal with total strangers from totally different backgrounds. But I never felt that I truly belonged anywhere or any culture in particular.

I was the awkward kid, always a stranger to the kids around me who were my own age. When I started to think of where I’d take my life when I grow up, I felt very uneasy going back to my native country of Japan. At that point I had only spent a handful of years there, and it was hard for me to imagine myself embracing the people and culture without taking in significant amount of effort and stress.

This was in the 1990s. I grew up watching feel-good Hollywood movies of the 80s and 90s. I listened to the carefree music fromAmerican pop stars of the 80s and the angst ridden music from Seattle of the 90s. I learned English during my travelling years and studied at Amrican schools at the behest of my parents. The picture painted for me showed a country built on democracy, fair chances to those who worked hard, all while not having to be worried of being persecuted just because you were a stranger. All that I saw, heard, and read indicated printed a picture of USA as somewhere people could be themselves.

So it was natural for me to see my future in the US. I felt that US would be, despite of all of its problems, somewhere that an awkward kid like me might be able to blend in, and become a part of a community. I asked to get my higher education in the US and thankfully my parents allowed and supported me. I graduated, and was lucky to have a decent career.

That was around the turn of the century. It has already been more than 30 years since I went to live in US, and over 20 years since I came back to Japan, where I have been since.

It’s now 2025.

While I believe it’s perfectly in their right for American citizens to choose how their government is to be run, I think it’s fair to say that the US we dreamed of when we were in our teenage years is now long gone. And it hurts.

In the perfect US we were taught at school, the country stood up against tyranny (though sometimes controversially). The government branches properly checked each other, even the president. There, people were welcoming of dreamers, wherever they came from. Hardworking people were able to make it in the community.

US was a beacon of hope for me, something that represented intelligence, resolve, principle. I just don’t get that feeling anymore.

So, yeah. Again, I don’t have a voting right in the USA, so if somebody tells me it’s none of my business, I accept it.

But well. I’m just disappointed.